HARMADIK RÉSZ:

Meanwhile back at the hub:

After a tense standoff, Mirror Admiral Janeway was now making out with Admiral Janeway (not Fleet Admiral Janeway or Admiral Emeritus Janeway).

"Why are all the evil Mirror Universe women bisexual?" the Borg Queen asked.

"Shut up!" mirror Admiral Janeway snapped. "I'm not technically bisexual since I am making out with myself."

Just then a temporal vortex opened and the mirror Universe future Borg Queen emerged. She had long flowing blonde hair and carried a dagger at her side. She saw the mirror Universe Admiral Janeway making out with Admiral Janeway and squealed in delight. "A party! All right! Count me in!"

But before she could join in the fun, another vortex swirled and a haggard, old, fat elfin woman emerged.

"Oh no!" Janeway cried. "It's the future Kes!"

"I've come here from six months in the future," she croaked. "I'm delivering these quantum torpedoes to help fight the Borg."

"But we already have quantum torpedoes!" Admiral Janeway replied.

"I can't help it if I only have a 9-year-lifespan!" Kes replied. "This is the best I could do!"

Meanwhile back on Voyager, Harry and Tom were in the holodeck for one last go-round in the Captain Proton program. Suddenly the arch opened and the bald old Tom Paris burst in.

"You've got to stop!" the bald Paris said.

"Why?" Harry and Tom demanded.

"Sixteen years from now, the Captain Proton program will merge with the Professor Moriarity program and take over the universe! Reg Barclay will be the only survivor of the holocaust that follows!"

"Oh no!" they cried, fleeing the holodeck into the hallway. In his great rush, Tom slammed into the wall, then Harry ran into him from behind.

"Uh, Harry, is that a modulated transponder in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

"Tom, you're my best friend. I need to tell you something. I've been having these feelings..."

Just then a temporal vortex opened and a fat, bald and hideously disfigured Harry came bursting out of it.

"Stop! Don't say it!" he pleaded.

"It's the future Harry! Are you an admiral?" Tom asked.

"I'm not the future Harry! I'm Garret Wang from the year 2023! Harry, I can't let you say what you're about to say!"

"But why?" Harry asked.

"If you come out as gay, then in the year 2002, I get attacked by a mob of homophobic Star Trek fans. Look at my face! A guy wearing an IDIC symbol threw acid at me!"

"Damn!" said Harry. "I guess I'm just doomed to a life of inexplicably striking out with every woman I meet!"

"That's OK, buddy," Tom said clapping him on the shoulder. "That socially relevant crap died with the '60s. Besides, we'll always have subtext! It worked for Bashir and O'Brien!"

Just then a temporal vortex opened and a fat, bald, hideously disfigured Bashir emerged. "Oh no, it didn't!" he said.

They all stood in a tense standoff, which was suddenly broken by Chakotay dashing back down the hall in his French maid's outfit, to bang on Seven's door. "Let me in! I've changed my mind! I want to be astimulated!"

They all stared.

"Maybe I can live with being straight," Harry said.

Copyright johnzdrake